It can be terrifying to want something. It can be even more terrifying to actually admit it. Especially with times being so strange, these days can feel very discouraging. Most of the time it would be easier to just settle. Settling is safe, it doesn’t require any work, inspiration, or creativity.
I think at some level we all want to do something creative, many just use the excuse that they don’t feel inspired, as if it is going to just appear one day. Creativity can be whatever you want it to be, whatever makes you feel alive and curious and excited. I think it just seems to pull you out of the repetitive, zombie feeling you can find yourself in for days or weeks on end. When you wake up, spend your day doing things you dread, and repeat this cycle, it becomes draining. It might even be worse to be indifferent to your situation. If you hate it you might feel some motivation to change, or at the very least put in some effort into feeling a certain way. But when you think, “hey things aren’t so bad, what’s the point of changing anything?” I think it makes you feel like a shell of yourself, like you’re just living in a void.
Obviously it would be ridiculous to just throw everything out the window, you have responsibilities. But you can start by finding something that lights a spark in your brain, something that makes you excited whether it’s sunny or cloudy, when the work gets hard, when the nights are late and you’re exhausted, and makes you want to learn everyday. Something that isn’t just a shell of you. Personally, many of my best ideas come to me when I’m working out. It just improves my mood and I feel like I can see my vision for myself the most clearly. What makes you feel good? Who makes you feel like the best version of yourself? That is where creativity happens. The feeling you get when you’re so focused and have perfect clarity for how to actually create something that represents the reasoning for your work, has to be a top 10 feeling. It gives you a reason to try something, to have a purpose, and to put your work into something besides your own mind.
Creativity is all of those great things. It is also the hardest and most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. It can be actually painful sometimes. Anything and everything you do, creates a place to be criticized and judged. You know it will happen. Your thing won’t be someone’s favorite thing and you can pretend you don’t care but you know you do. This is why you cling on to the excuse that you’re not inspired. It’s an excuse because you know what you want, you just choose to avoid it. You like the idea that: someday I will start my blog, my script, my art, my garden, someday I will have what I want. But today is too scary, today is too soon to start what I want to be doing forever. So, we just call it a lack of inspiration. Maybe tomorrow or maybe when you have more free time or when things settle down. Until you realize a year has passed and you have nothing to show for it.
You have to call yourself out for these things. Don’t consistently give yourself a pass for leaving things unfinished and wonder why you aren’t doing better. I have been feeling overwhelmingly frustrated with myself for not doing enough of what I know I need to be doing. I can call myself out when I am doing things that feel productive, but is actually just procrastination. I don’t need reassurance or to be told I am doing enough by someone else’s standards. You will not wake up to birds chirping and the smell of coffee and just know it’s time for a masterpiece. Instead, you’ll think about it and overthink about it, then it’ll be 2 AM and you’ll give it a shot. It’ll be awful. Then you’ll try again, and again, and it’ll become all you can think about and you’ll wonder what the hell you’ve got yourself into. You’ll probably be embarrassed and not want anyone to see it. Until you start to realize maybe it isn’t that bad, or bad at all for that matter, and you forget that you’re not inspired.
Uninspiration will kill all of your dreams, ideas and excitement if you give it the power to. You can also decide not to. Uninspiration isn’t even an actual word, it’s just what people call being scared of trying and failing or creating something “bad” or just acknowledging that they want something. There is no “key to inspiration”, just open the website, read the book, buy the paint, and do whatever makes you scared, curious, excited and lights you up all at the same time.
Thanks for reading ☀️