Every relationship in your life is based on boundaries. They are the standards you set for what you tolerate. Your family treats you a certain way because they know exactly how far they can push you. The people you surround yourself with treat you the way that they do because they see how you treat yourself. They know your boundaries. If you think about it, the way you talk, what you talk about, and the level of respect expected is determined by a person’s limits. It’s necessary.
I often didn’t know how to stop people if they made me uncomfortable. I would maybe laugh or hope the subject would change but saying that something bothered me was never an option. I never wanted to say no or to be “mean”, even feeling uncomfortable made me feel guilty. Eventually I had enough, or learned or grew or who knows, but I got to a point where I do not find it necessary to make myself uncomfortable for anyone else. Unfortunately, I know many people still feel this way, so that is why this post exists.
Usually at the very basic level, people know they are supposed to respect others and where that line is. When you find yourself being taken advantage of, belittled, becoming codependent or just feeling disrespected, you know that line has been crossed. If you say something the first time, it usually fixes itself. They will either treat you better, or they won’t stay a part of your life.
But what is more common, you don’t say anything, instead you turn your head to it. Maybe you excuse it by thinking you misunderstood them or thinking it wasn’t a big deal. You teach people that the line is further and further back, letting them walk all over you. You feel like that is just who they are, and since you never initially stopped it, you continue to swallow the feeling of being violated and disrespected. Slowly, maybe you start to resent them, eventually you think everything about them is negative.
Boundaries are not meant to please other people or to demand anything. They are set to establish self-respect and how you expect to be treated by people who want to be in your life. It should not be so complicated; it should be a part of who you are. Is it important to set boundaries because it’s one of the single easiest ways to determine who wants to be in your life, and who only wants you to be in theirs when it is beneficial to them.
It is hardest to set boundaries with people who are most important to you. You tend to say yes to everything even when you should say no. You feel the need to please them at your own expense. You feel like it is worth it because it avoids conflict. I hope you remember that you do not have to sacrifice yourself in effort to help someone else, no matter how important they are to you. I hope you start to say no, if they respect you, they’ll leave it at that.
You need to have strong boundaries. There has to be limits. If you don’t like something or how you are being treated, you are not supposed to stand there and take it. It is not being “mean”, and believe me, it is a lot more respectable for you to say something than to allow it solely for the sake of being nice. Do not let other people make you small. Stand up for yourself.
Thanks for reading, I hope everyone is staying safe ☀️