Every relationship in your life is based on boundaries. They are the standards you set for what you tolerate. Your family treats you a certain way because they know exactly how far they can push you. The people you surround yourself with treat you the way that they do because they see how you treat yourself. They know your boundaries. If you think about it, the way you talk, what you talk about, and the level of respect expected is determined by a person’s limits. It’s necessary.
I often didn’t know how to stop people if they made me uncomfortable. I would maybe laugh or hope the subject would change but saying that something bothered me was never an option. I never wanted to say no or to be “mean”, even feeling uncomfortable made me feel guilty. Eventually I had enough, or learned or grew or who knows, but I got to a point where I do not find it necessary to make myself uncomfortable for anyone else. Unfortunately, I know many people still feel this way, so that is why this post exists.
Usually at the very basic level, people know they are supposed to respect others and where that line is. When you find yourself being taken advantage of, belittled, becoming codependent or just feeling disrespected, you know that line has been crossed. If you say something the first time, it usually fixes itself. They will either treat you better, or they won’t stay a part of your life.
But what is more common, you don’t say anything, instead you turn your head to it. Maybe you excuse it by thinking you misunderstood them or thinking it wasn’t a big deal. You teach people that the line is further and further back, letting them walk all over you. You feel like that is just who they are, and since you never initially stopped it, you continue to swallow the feeling of being violated and disrespected. Slowly, maybe you start to resent them, eventually you think everything about them is negative.
Boundaries are not meant to please other people or to demand anything. They are set to establish self-respect and how you expect to be treated by people who want to be in your life. It should not be so complicated; it should be a part of who you are. Is it important to set boundaries because it’s one of the single easiest ways to determine who wants to be in your life, and who only wants you to be in theirs when it is beneficial to them.
It is hardest to set boundaries with people who are most important to you. You tend to say yes to everything even when you should say no. You feel the need to please them at your own expense. You feel like it is worth it because it avoids conflict. I hope you remember that you do not have to sacrifice yourself in effort to help someone else, no matter how important they are to you. I hope you start to say no, if they respect you, they’ll leave it at that.
You need to have strong boundaries. There has to be limits. If you don’t like something or how you are being treated, you are not supposed to stand there and take it. It is not being “mean”, and believe me, it is a lot more respectable for you to say something than to allow it solely for the sake of being nice. Do not let other people make you small. Stand up for yourself.
Thanks for reading, I hope everyone is staying safe ☀️
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Parenting and upbringing plays a big role in how we initially set boundaries. However our parents treat us, they teach us what is “normal”.
To all parents: the way you treat your kids will be the same way other people treat them. Be mindful of what you say and do.
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Well said.
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Timeless advice…easy to forget sp thanks for the reminder 😊
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Great post. If boundaries continue to be crossed, I finally learned there needs to be actions such as the ending of a relationship or friendship taken. I have learned this lesson the hard way.
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great Post. Couldn’t agree more.
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It’s like your reached into the bottom of my soul and dredged up this truth… Stellar post!
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I am glad I read this beautifully written article and that there is nothing wrong in me doing what I do by setting boundaries with certain people for my own mental health and peace. We do not owe any explanations to people who disturb the peace and calm in you. Vibrational energy and good or bad vibes is definitely a thing!
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*in us
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If you are a caring, generous, kind human like many of us are, there is nothing more important than learning how to set boundaries. I have been working on how to become assertive with people rather than passive or aggressive. Saying nothing will let them win, and becoming angry will make you lose. So important to let people know how they make you feel and how you’d like them to treat you. Vulnerability is so important in order to break down assumptions on both sides!
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Very accurate post. You nailed it.
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Great article. Many thanks.
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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Thanks for writing this.
Boundaries are so important… it’s often hard to know how to keep them, or I find it tough, but they’re so helpful and keep you safe.
Love, light, and glitter
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I say it to almost everyone I meet. As I from the Indian Subcontinent, parents are the main force behind thrashing the rights of their children. In here, noone recognises their boundaries and if you’ll tell them to stop, you’ve doomed your relations with them for eternity.
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“They will either treat you better, or they won’t stay a part of your life.” I had an interaction this past couple weeks when I decided to apply this principle. If I said what I wanted, thought, and felt, then the other person would either respond favorable, or I’d avoid them. That was freeing!
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I love this reminder! Thank you for your vulnerability. I can totally relate to the feeling of “guilt” or like I’m being “mean” for sticking to what I think and know is right… people know who to take advantage of and they will if we let them… thank you for sharing ❤️
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