The reason people don’t change is pretty simple. We don’t want to do hard things, we say we want to change, but we don’t want to be uncomfortable. Why would you choose to be uncomfortable when you can just stay the same?
We might work so hard on something until we finally make some progress that we’re happy with and then we become complacent. We don’t want to be uncomfortable anymore. How do we find a middle ground between being uncomfortable and being happy at where we are now? Wouldn’t it be so much nicer if you actually wanted to be uncomfortable? I mean, we can do that. It sounds crazy and it’s much easier said than done I know, but stay with me.
It’s kind of similar to the first day you try exercising; It’s going to be brutal. You’re going to go home and look in the mirror and not see any difference. You’ll wonder how people do this everyday because… for what??? You went, you did the work and you didn’t see any results. Your first instinct is to quit because what’s the point if you’re uncomfortable. You don’t look any different, and now your body hurts for days? You eventually decide to go back and stick to it this time. You finally start to see some real change and even start to look forward to the discomfort and the pain. Now, you realize that the results are worth it even if you don’t see it after one day.
Not to say that doing any of this will make you more worthy or any better of a person because there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you now, and if you’re genuinely happy, keep doin’ you, 100%, this post is not for you. Personally, I just feel like putting all of your effort into something that is worth it to you and seeing what you can do is so fulfilling. Once you start to notice that, why would you ever want to stop? No one who’s doing everything they ever put their mind to did it feeling safe and comfortable. You have to work through it and you have to earn it.
We love what’s familiar because what’s familiar is safe. We do our best to find something that works for us and once we find it we tend to repeat it because we know that’s less risky. We are always looking for rewards and always trying to avoid pain. So when we see some easy, short term “rewards” that feel good in the moment like going out every night or watching Netflix, of course we go after them. Of course we want them. Our brains are only focused on how we feel and what we want right now which is always comfort, pleasure and avoiding pain. We self sabotage and we have to learn to recognize when we’re doing it to ourselves.
Sometimes what happens, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t guilty of it, is giving in to the short term comfort maybe once or twice and then feeling terrible afterwards. When that’s not enough, we find ourselves in a cycle of beating ourselves up and chasing more pleasure to make up for it. So we can try to change it. This is going to sound cheesy, but take it as you will, basically, we’re going to be uncomfortable either way. So instead of always beating ourselves up, we can try to make being uncomfortable feel like a good thing and then reach whatever goal we set and make that the new circle we run in. The discomfort will come from staying outside of your comfort zone and pushing yourself instead of beating yourself up, at least this discomfort is getting you somewhere.
Of course, all of this is going to seem very hard at first, but it does get easier. I heard a podcast recently that made me think. It said something along the lines of all the decisions we make are based on our “present past”, meaning that when you think of the future you are likely basing it off of your past or current circumstances. It’s second nature to stick to what you know, but how can you expect to have any control over your future if you’re still in the past? Everything you want is already possible so setting limitations because you’re thinking about the past is only damaging you. Nothing in your past matters. Okay, let me clarify. Yes, your past has made you who you are and your past has set your foundation but you can never use that as an excuse to justify settling in your future. You cannot keep putting yourself back in that place if you actually want to change.
You have to be willing to change your entire life. You don’t get to be half in and pick and choose. If you don’t, you’ll stay the same. Your life will probably still turn out fine and maybe you’ll be happy, at least you’ll be comfortable. Except for the part of you that wants more, and the part of you that isn’t happy and begging to grow. If you’re still reading at this point this probably applies to you. If you want to change you have to get rid of the things that aren’t working because that’s what got you here and you can’t have it both ways.
Study yourself; really, really focus on yourself for a while. Don’t describe “who you are” as who you are at this moment. Doing this will only ever give you more of the same. Think of yourself as everything you want to be, do not let life just happen to you. Know what you want and then start changing your life on purpose.
Yes, change is hard. It requires us to always be aware. It requires sacrifice. It requires us to completely break ourselves down over and over again as we continue to grow. You’re either moving closer to the next thing or you’re repeating where you’ve always been. Maybe you don’t want to change. There is no right answer, it’s your decision, but at least give yourself the chance to decide. You should decide, on purpose, if you’re going to grow or if you are going to remain stagnant. Your life is going to be uncomfortable either way, so why be uncomfortable and miserable when you could be uncomfortable and surprise yourself? So yeah, change is hard, but who cares?
Thanks for reading ☀️☀️☀️