I know I’m not the only one who has ever asked myself this. This has been kind of sitting in the back of my mind for a while and I felt like now was a good time to bring attention to it. Lately I have become more aware of little anxious feelings I’ve been getting, mostly at night. It’s almost like I can’t breathe, and I mean obviously it’s not that I truly can’t because my breathing is just fine, but I can feel something on my chest so it’s just seems harder, you know? It’s nothing like the suffocating feeling I’ve gotten before that I talked about here, but I’m hoping by the end of this you’ll know what I’m talking about. I’ve been really good at becoming aware of it and narrowing down to what typically causes it. It catches me at the end of the day when I think about what I did or should have accomplished that day. I start wondering if I should have done something different or if I could have had better use of my time. I think about what my priorities are and if I’m living them out that way. If I wrote my priorities out on a piece of paper and I wrote how I spent each hour that day, does it show? Am I prioritizing these things even when they don’t seem the most exciting? I don’t let myself get too worked up about it anymore but I like to make myself aware when something is making me feel kind of off. I think at this point a lot of it comes from excitement, I think about the things I eventually want to be doing and end up thinking myself into feeling like I should be afraid, like there’s something I have to be doing. I am so far from many things that I already want right now, so I end up freaking out when I catch myself not doing something to get me there. And to get me from there to the next thing. In the process of becoming aware of these feelings I have been trying to become more intuitive about my life and really practicing how to have control over it.
There’s so much we want to be doing, and it’s normal to question if we’re doing are the right things. We get so used to living our lives the way we always have been and sticking to our routines, which might have felt productive for so long, that when the question of “are we doing the right things” hits us, it can feel like a brick to the head. On top of that, every one of us has compared our lives to others and their happiness, and question ourselves all over again. As people we have the ability to create very incredible things for ourselves and the world in general. With our talents and our words and our actions and so on. We are so powerful when we become aware of it, just to then start questioning if we’re doing it right, but what even is “the right way”? What we focus on grows, and I know thats not an easy thing to just accept but knowing this and realizing this can be pretty powerful. When we focus on being unsure and fearful we become stagnant. If we can accept it and instead change the way we think we can change everything else in our lives.
If you’ve made it this far you probably need to hear this, stop freaking out. Whatever you were freaking out about before reading this, just relax at least until you’re done with this post. When we worry its usually because we’re scared of something and it doesn’t go away until we face it. For example, when I sit down to write, 8 times out of 10 I start getting overwhelmed because I think about all the things I have to do to make the post as relatable and successful as possible that I start worrying. I know that it’s because I get scared that I won’t accurately write out the message I’m trying to get across or that I’ll fail and let my readers down. I hate letting people down, I hate letting myself down, and I’m absolutely terrified of feeling like a failure. I’ve been trying to catch it when I put those thoughts in my head because I am not any of those things, and as soon as I realize that then I can let it go.
You kind of just have to trust that you’re where you should be. If you’re not there yet it’s because you still have work to do and things to learn. You have to trust that you’ll end up where you want to be because honestly, what else can you do? As long as you’re headed somewhere, you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes you’ll find you went to places you don’t understand and to places that are really going to test you, but you’ll learn from it and eventually it’ll all make sense. Stop jumping to conclusions and thinking that you’re doing your life wrong when things go in a different direction. Stop telling yourself that you should be somewhere else or that theres more you should be doing or that you’re missing something in whatever story you’re writing for yourself, or that there’s no story at all. Just keep doing what you have to do and it’ll make sense. I know it sounds so damn cheesy, I’m pretty used to that by now, but its true.
Thanks for reading ☀️☀️☀️