“Am I Where I’m Supposed To Be?”

I know I’m not the only one who has ever asked myself this. This has been kind of sitting in the back of my mind for a while and I felt like now was a good time to bring attention to it. Lately I have become more aware of little anxious feelings I’ve been getting, mostly at night. It’s almost like I can’t breathe, and I mean obviously it’s not that I truly can’t because my breathing is just fine, but I can feel something on my chest so it’s just seems harder, you know? It’s nothing like the suffocating feeling I’ve gotten before that I talked about here, but I’m hoping by the end of this you’ll know what I’m talking about.  I’ve been really good at becoming aware of it and narrowing down to what typically causes it. It catches me at the end of the day when I think about what I did or should have accomplished that day. I start wondering if I should have done something different or if I could have had better use of my time. I think about what my priorities are and if I’m living them out that way. If I wrote my priorities out on a piece of paper and I wrote how I spent each hour that day, does it show? Am I prioritizing these things even when they don’t seem the most exciting? I don’t let myself get too worked up about it anymore but I like to make myself aware when something is making me feel kind of off. I think at this point a lot of it comes from excitement, I think about the things I eventually want to be doing and end up thinking myself into feeling like I should be afraid, like there’s something I have to be doing. I am so far from many things that I already want right now, so I end up freaking out when I catch myself not doing something to get me there. And to get me from there to the next thing. In the process of becoming aware of these feelings I have been trying to become more intuitive about my life and really practicing how to have control over it.

There’s so much we want to be doing, and it’s normal to question if we’re doing are the right things. We get so used to living our lives the way we always have been and sticking to our routines, which might have felt productive for so long, that when the question of “are we doing the right things” hits us, it can feel like a brick to the head. On top of that, every one of us has compared our lives to others and their happiness, and question ourselves all over again. As people we have the ability to create very incredible things for ourselves and the world in general. With our talents and our words and our actions and so on. We are so powerful when we become aware of it, just to then start questioning if we’re doing it right, but what even is “the right way”? What we focus on grows, and I know thats not an easy thing to just accept but knowing this and realizing this can be pretty powerful. When we focus on being unsure and fearful we become stagnant. If we can accept it and instead change the way we think we can change everything else in our lives.

If you’ve made it this far you probably need to hear this, stop freaking out. Whatever you were freaking out about before reading this, just relax at least until you’re done with this post. When we worry its usually because we’re scared of something and it doesn’t go away until we face it. For example, when I sit down to write, 8 times out of 10 I start getting overwhelmed because I think about all the things I have to do to make the post as relatable and successful as possible that I start worrying. I know that it’s because I get scared that I won’t accurately write out the message I’m trying to get across or that I’ll fail and let my readers down. I hate letting people down, I hate letting myself down, and I’m absolutely terrified of feeling like a failure. I’ve been trying to catch it when I put those thoughts in my head because I am not any of those things, and as soon as I realize that then I can let it go. 

You kind of just have to trust that you’re where you should be. If you’re not there yet it’s because you still have work to do and things to learn. You have to trust that you’ll end up where you want to be because honestly, what else can you do? As long as you’re headed somewhere, you’re doing the right thing. Sometimes you’ll find you went to places you don’t understand and to places that are really going to test you, but you’ll learn from it and eventually it’ll all make sense. Stop jumping to conclusions and thinking that you’re doing your life wrong when things go in a different direction. Stop telling yourself that you should be somewhere else or that theres more you should be doing or that you’re missing something in whatever story you’re writing for yourself, or that there’s no story at all. Just keep doing what you have to do and it’ll make sense. I know it sounds so damn cheesy, I’m pretty used to that by now, but its true. 

Thanks for reading ☀️☀️☀️

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17 thoughts on ““Am I Where I’m Supposed To Be?”

  1. There will always be an infinite number of choices to be made, each with a different path. Realise We each walk our picked way at our own pace. There is no letting ‘others’ down, only our own expectation of how ‘others’ view us, it is fear of being judged. It is your life to Live, we are blessed with a beautiful gift of free will.
    To move forward with certainty and self belief, release any thoughts of trepidation to unconditional Love
    Listen to Your heart, God only ‘speaks’ truth
    God bless Your beautiful journey

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  2. I really like reading your blog early in the morning before I get up and go through the rituals of my day.
    I, too, always come back to this question….. am i where I need to be, or am I wear I’m supposed to be? I’m a 67 year-old musician who has played in one band with nine other members for last twenty-six years. From a business perspective it has been very successful. It has kept me working and supplemented my income, but we are primarily known as a cover band. My personal goal is to arrange and perform the original songs that I have composed, but that has taken a back seat to the needs and goals of the greater group. At my age breaking off on a new journey would be taking on more risk than I am prepared to handle. That’s the trade off, more stress and worries than I have now. I just don’t like the feeling that I am settling for less.

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  3. Needed this right now. Dealing with absurd anxiety and depression over two stupid life details and my writing is suffering because of it. To make matters worse, I had a really good year mental health wise so now I feel like I’m taken 1000 steps back. 😦

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  4. It’s good to reassess where we are heading or want to go in life’s journey, to have goals and dreams and to follow our passion. Just remember that the journey is just as important, the here and now daily experiences (the difficult sorrows as well as the celebrations). Also, if we never fail or fall short then we have never tried and so we are not learning and growing. Too often we beat ourselves up over that don’t we?… As far as writing, work to learn and to better your writing skills but also “just write.” After you have allowed your thoughts to flow things begin to clarify and then you can go back and edit… that is so freeing! 🙂

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  5. Thank you for writing this. I completely relate when you said you get anxious when writing posts because they might not be relatable, and that you may let people down. I feel the exact same way.

    I feel like some of the things I write on my blog are very niche, but I also realized that these are things I love, and I am combining them with one other thing I love, which is writing, and that is enough. I need to keep telling myself this. Thank you again.

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  6. It’s almost as if I was meant to be here, right now. I recently did a meditation course. It’s been three months plus, that I have been practicing twice per day, every day. I’ve been told that ‘I’m on track’ but it doesn’t feel like it but as you say, I ‘need to do more’, and I know that’s the truth. So I’m expecting ‘more’ from my meditation, to become suddenly enlightened, to be continually peaceful and to be successful but here I am. But your article has answered those constant nagging questions that go around in my head. I know I’ll come back to your article whenever I’m feeling down.

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  7. Thanks Kourtney. I need to hear this, over and over. When I feel like I’m not doing enough in line with my passions or I’m not in the right place, I carve out time during the day to reflect and consider if it’s true. Otherwise, as you wrote, here comes another sleepless night! If it’s not true, I settle myself with affirmations. “I do enough” or “everything is on divine time” or “I am enough.” If I haven’t been aligned with my passions, it’s time to change what I’m doing! Again!

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  8. Sometimes I will get a feeling like I’m not living the life that I should be. But that’s usually because I hold onto things for too long. I think sometimes when life feels wrong it can be because there are things you need to let go of. But you are right, there are so many paths that you can take and life is all about living! There’s so much focus on the future and improving sometimes that we miss the present.

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  9. Great post! Mental health needs to be treated as a serious thing! I know what anxiety is, and I am ”fighting” with it. I feel better from the moment I heard of ”minimalism”. I also mentioned it in my first blog post. Setting up the priorities is not easy as it may seems, but it is far from impossible. Keep going!

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  10. Yes, it resonates with me. I understand although I don’t think that currently I have the pressures you are facing. I’m retired, so the work for money thing is over for me. Not that I don’t have fear or tension. I do and some of it is about what poetry I write or the photographs I want to take. Some time ago I read some of Krishnamurti’s teachings. He argues that we live in fear all the time and it stops us from ‘doing’……..I can agree that it’s true for me because I have observed it in myself……

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  11. I like this post because I still have yet to decide what im doing with my life. Knowing that other people have gone through this calms me down a lot more. Also, knowing that there is alot more of life ahead calms me down because sometimes we feel like we need to get everything done right here and right now. We forget that everything has its own timing and that we can’t just wake up one day and be the person we want to be because it takes time.

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