Self Sabotage

Definition: Creating unnecessary problems for oneself, or intentionally causing destruction of ones own goals.

We all have (or had at some point) some goal that we’re trying to reach, and we know that sometimes things just don’t work out. Even when we become obsessed with it and so infatuated with the thought of achieving it. It’s probably not what you want to hear, but more often than not the reason things keep “spontaneously” interfering is because we’re creating the issues. It’s self sabotage. I’m not writing this to say I’m not guilty of it, in fact I think this will make myself more aware that it’s something I do too often.

We set a goal and get motivated and excited because we have something figured out. Until things start to get a litttttle uncomfortable and we realize that taking action towards it is actually scary, so we make up some reason to stay still. Sound familiar? We try again and even make plans to do something to help get us there, but then still find a reason not to. All of the sudden we’ve created these issues that were never there until we fully convince ourselves that we can not do it. So we change our goals to something more “reasonable”, something less intimidating, something less risky. By now our goals are half the size they started as and we still can’t convince ourselves to put the work in. Eventually we don’t even set new goals because we keep quitting them. If we don’t set the goal, we can’t fail right? Eh, wrong idea.

Not having goals is the same if not worse than failing because you’re not even giving yourself a chance. Not knowing what exactly you want to do in the end is not a reason not to set goals, you should always have them. Our brains are wired to protect our feelings, we make excuses to avoid feeling like we let ourselves down. When things get harder it doesn’t mean you need a break. It’s supposed to get harder and it means your growing. You have to do something with your life eventually and avoiding the hard work won’t make the discomfort go away. I used to think I was sooo busy because I had work or school everyday, along with whatever else I dedicated myself to that day. Looking back now I realize I was using those as excuses not to put extra effort into making time for what I should have been. I would go on my computer and move things around here and there, I mean it felt like I was being productive sure, but that wasn’t getting the next post written or getting me closer to the next step. It was self sabotage, you can tell yourself you’ll do it later or that you should take a break because you worked hard the day before or whatever, but you’re still just making excuses to stay the same.

We continue to do the same things we’ve always done and wonder why we keep ending up in the same dead end situations, getting frustrated over the same things and ending up around the same shitty people rather than wondering why we’re literally choosing those things. It’s natural to want consistency, we aren’t comfortable with change so when we see it coming we sabotage ourselves. Some people revolve their entire life around staying comfortable and they might be happy with that. They would rather not work, than work, rather not even try, than to face the possibility of failing. But here’s a thought, if you’re in a routine of  just watching Netflix, scrolling through Instagram and keeping up with what whoever is doing on social media when you get home, you’re going to want to keep doing that because it’s easy and you’re used to it. What if you started putting work into something else that you actually care about and made that your routine? What if when you “didn’t feel like it” you did it anyways until it became normal? You’d probably keep doing that because you would be used to it. The more we “win” the more we want to win, the more we sabotage the more we want to sabotage. If you’re going to do something, do it for real and because it’s what makes you happy. We spend too much time being scared and worrying about how what we do will be taken. People don’t care what you’re doing, they’re busy caring about what other people think about what they’re doing. It would be a shame to waste your potential just because you were scared to step outside of your routine.

I by no means am trying to give the impression that I have mastered eliminating self sabotage but it is something I have become more aware of and I think that by keeping it in the back of my mind and by forcing myself to face it rather than creating excuses, I will get better at it. I don’t want to pretend that I have my whole life figured out, I don’t. What I do know is that I have high expectations and high standards for what I want my life to be, and sabotaging myself is not going to get me those things. I think this is really important and can be applied in any situation you might be in, if you made it this far in the post I hope you found something helpful. 

As alwaysss, thanks for reading ☀️☀️

 

49 thoughts on “Self Sabotage

  1. This is great stuff, and good encouragement for people who just need a kick in the pants. But what of those of us who have no meaningful goals? I set goals, become obsessed with achieving them, then feel empty and dissatisfied upon achieving them. None of it means anything. Now I have a goal to read 60 books this year, and another to run a marathon in the spring. And know what? I honestly couldn’t care less if I accomplish or fail either. Who cares? I set them just to have something to reach for.

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    1. If you feel no satisfaction it could mean that you don’t feel comfortable being proud of yourself for a job well done. It’s great to be humble but you can still give yourself permission to enjoy your accomplishment. I both thank God and feel good about my achievements. Btw , running a marathon is a great goal! But the training part is what you should be proud of. It’s hard work with little glory . Good luck!

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      1. Thanks, that really makes a lot of sense. But I have always felt comfortable allowing myself to feel proud for a job well done. It’s more about a lack of lasting satisfaction. Like yay, look what I did! *Pats self on back.* Okay, now what? And how did that accomplishment make a difference? Because I can check off a box or show off a shiny medal? It’s so empty.

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      2. It really doesn’t make a difference to anyone but you or maybe someone who sees you as an inspiration. People do find runners inspiring, but yeah, not that useful in real life, lol. I think I like racing for the personal challenge and it’s something I have control over, versus the rest of my life. But I agree that the good feeling doesn’t last long. It’s a drug. More please!

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    2. Hey girl! I think that if you think your goals dont mean anything, you might not be setting the right goals. If you love running or have a passion for running then definitely reach for that! But setting goals just to set them might only make you more stressed out. What are you interested in? set a goal that will get you closer to somewhere you want to be. You might also be setting goals that are too far away. Set huge goals but take baby steps. The baby steps are achievements, the most important ones too because they lead to something else. I hope that was helpful ❤

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      1. Thanks, good advice. I wish it were that simple, but the truth is, I’m no longer sure what I really want or where I want to be in 5 years. I enjoy running, but it’s a lifestyle more than a passion. I have a great career that I enjoy. I’m not overweight, eat super healthy, and exercise a LOT. I guess I’ve run out of good ideas. 🙂

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  2. You are talented and have an interesting blog to say the least…

    In my opinion, the word “sabotage” is subjective and therefore falls into the realm of “grey” until clarity defines it in an absolute definition, that everyone is comfortable in what it is and isn’t. If its definition remains vague, then so to by the same predication must the application of what “sabotage” may be.

    I believe we are saboteurs by innateness, and not just with ourselves but with others too. And as you elude to, ones altered motivation to accomplish a goal can nefariously redirected us into a new goal to achieve…self-victimization.

    There’re in my mind, are times when it may seem as though I’m sabotaging myself to the world at large while following a philosophy I understand and appreciate, while simultaneously others (outsiders) disagree with it and point to my unwillingness to surrender my creeds position as causal to seemingly negative events in my life. So- I ask you, who in this premise is correct the world at large or me? and why?

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    1. I think that if your goals are in the right place and you have a plan to get there, then you are correct. If we constantly listened to what the world at large told us to do then we would all be the same. You’re only going to do as much as you believe youre capable of and if you let the world decide I truly believe that the world will give you smaller goals than you could give yourself.

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  3. This reminds me of an anime I was watching ef: A Tale of Melodies, in it a girl said that she really wanted to write. However, it was because of that very reason that she really did not want to write. If she tried her best to write and failed, she would feel that she truly has nothing.

    Fear of failure is common in reality as well. Sometimes, the more we want to do something, the more afraid we are to do so. All because we fear that even with the will to do it, we might fail. For things we do not particularly care about, even if we try and fail we’d just say it’s because it wasn’t for us anyway. But for things we want to do it is a completely different story. As you said, our goals get smaller and more achievable because we want to be able to accomplish it. Yet we still cannot put in all our effort due to the fear of the slightest chance of failure. We keep procrastinating and it develops into a bad habit, one that would prove difficult to break unless we can suddenly wake up one day and not care. Not care about possibilities of failure and simply push forward, knowing that even if you stumble it doesn’t matter cause no one is stopping you from getting back up and continuing forward. People may not understand you or support you but what you do is your own choice…

    Anyways, a great post and truly we should all stop limiting ourselves by worrying about failure or what others may think. We should just push forward doing what we want to do. If we truly want to do it, we will definitely persevere to make sure it succeeds no matter how many times we may fail or how long the journey is.

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    1. Definitely, whether we want to admit it or not the main thing that holds us back is the opinions of others. imagine how much more you would reach for if no one else was watching, no one would know if you failed or not or how many times you tried. When you give up youre eliminating the chance of you succeeding because youre scared, when you try and fail, and try over and over and over eventually you won’t fail. It really is that simple, but it definitely requires a conscious effort.

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  4. Pingback: Self sabotage – We need to stop doing this – CarineLupin

  5. This is a great dog peas thank you for writing it. However what I’d like to bring up here is that many of us aren’t intentionally or even unintentionally self sabotaging. I set goals for myself every day and if I hit one of those calls I Collett a success. That goal that I hit might be simply doing the dishes.
    I agree that I should do more each day and I do try. It’s not so much that I put up obstacles of fear or try to protect my emotions, it’s more that I have to be realistic each day. It’s taking each day as it comes for me. Some of those days include long dog walks, others include a full house cleaning, and still others include traveling up to my family land and even doing a few small torch they’re like raking pine needles, but other days include doing the dishes and nothing else. I don’t think I wanna go the route of shaming myself for this. That’s dangerous territory for me it reminds me of a 12 step program, either you’re working it or you’re not and there’s no in between. I think when we push ourselves to thinking In those extremes, we set ourselves up for failure. Or, perhaps I should say I set myself up for failure. After 20 years of living with chronic pain from fibromyalgia and now PTSD depression arthritis neck injury from whiplash in a bad knee from and torn meniscus , I take what I can each day and remember to embrace those moments as good powerful and well moments

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    1. Thank you for your comment, I think that being realistic each day should not be a reason not to reach goals, I think that setting realistic goals keeping in mind what you have to do each day makes it easier to reach them. Your goals don’t have to be direct or even large goals at all. In your example you said some days you get the dishes done and nothing else, One goal you could set could be to get the dishes done a certain amount of days a week, something that might be simple but its doable and you can set more goals from there. Im not trying implying that you should ever shame yourself, I think that setting goals and reaching them helps us to get better.

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  6. Very true! When it comes to breaking out of your routine we should think of it as ‘one day or day one’ – either one day i’ll break out of the routine or this is day one of breaking out of the routine.

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  7. I felt personally attacked when reading this post (not in a bad way or because of you) because it’s something that I do waaaaay too often and it stems from perfectionism and lack of self-worth and sometimes I want to rip my hair out in frustration. Thank you so much for writing this, it was a great read!

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  8. Haha! Oh, my word. I love this. “We continue to do the same things we’ve always done and wonder why we keep ending up in the same dead end situations.” Now, isn’t that true? That’s just golden perfection.

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  9. Real talk. And this really resonates. It’s good to know I am not alone in my procrastination. Sometimes we end up putting our own goals last and sometimes we set aside deciding for years, even decades. I am just now doing the work of actually choosing a career at age 50! But, it’s never too late. One day at a time. Thanks for the post!

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