Doing It For Me

Most of my life I have always put myself last. Making sure other people were taken care of and happy and have everything they needed or wanted before maybe taking care of myself.

But for what? Don’t get me wrong doing things for others (if you feel good about it) is great but keep in mind that it’s not your job. Your job is to push yourself closer to literally whatever is going to make you happy in the long run and anything other than that is basically self sabotage. You see and hear people all the time talking about “putting yourself first” but get offended when you actually do it. They say you’re being selfish and unrealistic. When you cut people out of your life it somehow means that you’re holding a grudge or not being the bigger person. But when you don’t put yourself first they tell you that you deserve better and you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and so on. People act like it’s a crime to be happy or to be proud of yourself.

Basically what I’m saying is that no matter what you do people are going to have an opinion, and being there for everyone’s every beg and call is not getting you anywhere.  For people who think it’s selfish, who cares? Be selfish. People get really upset when they realize they can’t take advantage of someone anymore. Who cares if that means it’s an inconvenience for whoever else. People will learn to start to treat you with respect when they realize you’re not a door mat and learn to walk away from those who don’t. Raise your expectations for what and who you put up with. Learn to notice when you’re being taken advantage of, it might be uncomfortable to just switch on people one day and say no or to stand up for yourself but do it anyways. It doesn’t matter if it’s a family member, friend, stranger, whoever, don’t let people walk on you. Your days are so much more productive and there’s so much more time in the day when you take charge doing things you should be doing rather than whatever whoever else wants you to be doing.

I would have thought this was common sense but I think a lot of people actually need to hear it. As always I’m sure people will have their opinions about it but that’s okay. I don’t want to be a person that feels like my only purpose is to make other people’s lives easier, or a person that says sorry for everything or has no backbone. What do you get out of that? Taking care of yourself after years of doing the opposite is a great thing and people will only get mad when they don’t have the guts to do it themselves.

I want to dedicate November to “doing it for me”. By this I mean that for every day of the month I’m going to do something that’s not things like going to work, school, the gym or writing. Not things that are my regular routine but something simple every day that pushes me mentally or creatively that is just for me. I also want to do one thing every week for the month that scares me or is new and out of my comfort zone. These are things I should make part of my everyday of every month but I’m going to make it a point for November and at the end of the month I’ll write about how it went and how I feel. Everyone “knows” when what they’re doing isn’t what they should be doing but it’s rare that people actually do anything about it. If you made it this far in the post I’d lovee for you to comment and tell me the last time you did something that was for you, out of your comfort zone, scary, etc. and I hope all of you will dedicate November to doing it for you too. 

P.s Let me know if there’s anything you guys would like me to write about in the future and make sure to follow me on instagram @ definingyellow if ya haven’t already 🙂 

Thanks for reading ☀️☀️☀️

34 thoughts on “Doing It For Me

  1. I feel like you read my mind or something! I have such a horrible habit of constantly putting everyone and everything before myself and my own needs that it’s ridiculous! It wasn’t until after going through many heartaches that I realized I seriously needed to put myself first. I dedicated this year to be a year of self love, although I have gotten quite busy with a new job and fell off track. You’ve inspired me to get back to doing things for me and maybe even doing some things that scare me as well!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. So true, it seems obvious but I need to hear it from time to time because sometimes I don’t even realise how much I am doing for other people, whilst abandoning myself! x

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I really like your idea for November, I hope you manage to keep on it and look forward to hearing about what things you find to do, and which ones you find fulfilling. Last Saturday I did one of the things you are talking about – challenged myself to do something I find scary – I abseiled down a 120ft building in the city centre in aid of the British Red Cross. I highly recommend the feeling that comes from doing something difficult but achievable. Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is exactly where I am right now, too. You’re so right, it’s easy to say you’re going to be your own priority but the backlash is swift. Especially as an introvert, sometimes it manifests as just being alone reading or watching TV. Most people don’t understand that just being alone is a big deal for me sometimes.
    So thanks for writing this, it’s always good to be reminded I’m not alone and that being assertive is a good thing.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. We all make choices based on how we feel. Every choice is driven by an ’emotion’…..because we are ‘self serving’. Our love for others is limited by the way we feel. Love is selfless, it has no limitations……..It is limitless, infinite as We are. We all need to shine our Brightest Light, to the benafit of All…..We all have choice……Do we want a future or not? To project our most elevated selves and Love selflessly. Have a beautiful” Journey” You are worth it

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Self care is a hard one for me – but I’m learning. I’m having to rewire my brain from the way I was raised. I’m dedicating November to writing more. It is something that when I do it I feel relaxed, accomplished and happy. However, some part of my mind has labeled it as a selfish pursuit because it does not bring in money to support my family. I’ve gotten this idea in my head that if it is not a “career” it is not something I should spend my time on. This month, I am going to write just because it makes me happy! If others like it or hate it – I will not care. I’m doing it for me and they can take it or leave it.

    Great post – thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 4 people

  7. I feel out of my comfort zone just reading your blog at my age even more so commenting on it. I should be beyond being concerned about others but so often that is something we all deal with. I fully appreciate and understand your article. As a final note years ago in college a social science teacher asked the class why we would let other people in the school limit how we act. She added you will probably never see these people after school is complete. Why would you let them influence your behavior now. That is a thought that has stuck with me. I think too often people let themselves be constrained from doing what they want to do for fear of how it will appear to others. It is important to be kind and respectful to others. It is more important just to be yourself and act accordingly. Thank you for another blog that reminds me the young generation is on the right track.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. You are totally right. It’s the same principle as when you’re on an airplane and the cabin pressure drops. You are supposed to put the mask on yourself first before helping the people next to you with theirs. Otherwise, you’ll pass out and won’t be of help to anyone.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. “You see and hear people all the time talking about “putting yourself first” but get offended when you actually do it. They say you’re being selfish and unrealistic. When you cut people out of your life it somehow means that you’re holding a grudge or not being the bigger person. But when you don’t put yourself first they tell you that you deserve better and you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself and so on.”
    ^ OMG YES!! People have been telling me to put myself first, stand up for myself, do what I want to do, etc, etc. for thirty years. I’ve only finally started listening within the last two years. And you know what? Those same people are looking at me with raised eyebrows, eyes full of doubt, and scoffing and saying, “Who does she think she is?”
    It’s so infuriating, but at the same time, now that I’ve put myself first, it’s also laughable because I truly do not care. Sometimes I feel lonely because the people who supported my dreams and desires in theory now roll their eyes when I actually pursue writing, swimming, or anything else that strikes my fancy or has been a lifelong dream. Unfortunately, many people doubting me are those closest to me. My therapist says this is normal, which I think is weird, but at the very least it’s good to know I’m not alone.
    Thank you for writing this. And good for you for putting yourself first!!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Thank you so much for the reminder that it’s okay to do things for me. I do so much for everyone else, both at work and at home, that I forget about myself. That’s part of why I started my blog, and an Etsy business. I needed to get back to doing things that I loved. And I’m starting to say no more, which is big for me. I still feel bad about things I shouldn’t, worrying about others, but I’m working on it.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Enjoyed your post, Kourtney. Hope your November is filled with blessings. Hope this is a start:
    I have nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award. Please don’t feel obligated to participate, but if you do, no rush. Do in your time. If you don’t do awards that’s ok. Just sharing a little bit of God’s love and a recognizing your blog! God loves you!
    Below is the link to your nomination:

    Liked by 2 people

  12. I love what you wrote. I’m in the same boat -just a bit different. Besides taking care of others I was one who always worried about what
    People thought about me or would say. Now, that I’m older and finally caught up to my age mentally, I could care less what others think. Funny-my next blog deals
    With just this. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Hi Kourtney
    First of all, Thank you for your activity on my site. Read your “Purpose” column. You are the most relatable person to me. So full of energy, so vibrant like the color yellow itself. So thoughtfully crafted Blog of your.
    And Yes I am new here and would be happy to hear from you again.
    Wish you a happy, lucky and sunny day 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Thanks for the like. It’s given me the opportunity to read some of your work. Love your authenticity. I’ve really found this helpful and motivating this morning. Yesterday I was told I need three weeks of radiotherapy. Hopefully this is the last part of my treatment now and I’ll update my blog in a bit. It’s been a bit of a mental set back. Being ill has made me aware of how much I worry about others. My mother and nurses have told me I need to stop worrying about everyone else and focus on me. As my blog has been created initially as a cathartic outlet and to keep friends and family posted I’m limited in his much I can I rant about this on my blog but I definitely need to start being more selfish. You’ve highlighted some of the issues of practicing self care and putting ourselves first and how we can be damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Some people will always criticise. But if we don’t look after ourselves then we can’t be there for others in the long run. I’m really enjoying writing but haven’t really looked in to how I can develop my blog, attract followers and I definitely need to start reading more and following others like you too! I look forward to reading more of your posts! Xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  15. So true! When you are the kind of person who is always putting others first, the day you start doing somthing for you and not for others you are seen as “selfish”. At least it shows you the true face of people, those who are only there when they need you but disappear as soon as you need them. Sometimes you need to get rid of people like that, it will take some negativity off your life and you will feel better about caring about yourself first.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I feel the content that u post on your blog Defining Yellow!! I’ve think we’ve got some messages/themes in common.
    The themes of my writings are Mindset, Positivity, Self-Determination and Spirituality. Keep pushing 👊


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