When There’s Not A Reason

I have always been someone who takes responsibility for my actions, I say sorry when I mess up, I always try to see different sides of situations and I always make sure to solve my own problems rather than leaving them a mess for others to clean up. We can all dedicate ourselves to being that great person all we want, but that doesn’t guarantee us that bad things won’t happen.

     I feel like I have to admit that these past few weeks have been pretty difficult and stressful and I haven’t had the time or the mental focus to sit down and give as much attention to my blog as I would like (I’m so sorry ily). I have been trying to find something positive that has come from this small chapter in my life and I haven’t been able to find one, sometimes life just happens so I think that in itself gave me something to write about. I’m not really sure where i’m headed with this so just bear with me.

     I definitely believe that a lot of things in life do happen for a reason, and that the things you go through in life can and do shape you to who you are going to be in the future. I think that being strong and honest and wanting to help and love others and having empathy makes you a good person and that because of that good things should come back to you. Most of the time that is the case, but it doesn’t always happen that way. Not everything happens for a reason, sometimes we get dealt cards that we don’t deserve. The truth is you will never know why certain things happen, we just know that they do. Finding the reasons for why isn’t going to give you comfort or take away pain, in fact sometimes looking for answers can hurt you more. The reasons will not change the actions. You sometimes have to just accept that it is what it is.
     But, what does matter is how you cope with the things that happen to you that you just can’t seem to make sense of. Because in the end it doesn’t matter what happens, but more importantly how you react to it. Personally, I have always been really hard on myself, I always think I should be doing more or doing better and it can be really consuming when I should have just been accepting that I don’t have control over everything. Instead you should be coping by not beating yourself up and looking at what you can do to if not fix the situation, then at least not make it worse. I’m learning how to approach and move past situations that I don’t understand, things that happen that I know I don’t deserve, and the only thing I have found to be helpful is to let it go. I think that’s what makes it so hard, because you’re always looking for something to blame or explanation.  If something happens out of your control then chances are you can’t fix it either. You might need to talk about it, it’ll help you to get through it if you talk to someone. Things come and go just as easily and while the bad seem to make bigger impact, more good things are going to come too.  The quicker you can accept the sudden changes in your life the quicker you can put your efforts into something that will be of better use. Things that you’re feeling and going through right now is not going to be forever, while that doesn’t make the problems any better, it should remind you to at least try to keep your mindset on the right track. You’ve been doing so well for so long and it would be tragic to let something like this mess you up. Nothing stays the same forever, so hold on to that when things feel impossible. How you choose to or not to pick up the pieces can eat you alive. Like I said, the things that happen in life make you who you are. The reason they happen is irrelevant, just accept that they do.

Before I started writing this I felt stuck, like I wasn’t doing enough. As I started writing I started to realize that i’m doing exactly what I should be. The only way to get through something is to keep going. I realize that this post is extremely vague and by that, I hope that you can apply this to something to help benefit you.
Thanks for reading. ☀️☀️☀️

If you’re new here make sure to follow @definingyellow on Instagram too ✨

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78 thoughts on “When There’s Not A Reason

  1. Sounds like you’re nailing it to me! Just. Keep. Going. And keep writing because it’s helpful to all of us to know we all get stuff that there is no reason for, and we will survive.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Applies/helps me. Today was a day i felt stuck and my coping and thought process’s felt jammed up today. Hearing it out in others in the same way i think helps, especially a day like today when all i searched for was a reason. Thanks DY

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi – I just wanted to say thank you. I feel like a lot of this hit home…I too am way too critical of myself. I don’t think I give myself enough credit. So in a weird way, it is comforting to read someone else going though something similar. Lol and I also don’t give my blog enough attention. I think I tend to write in it when I’m feeling especially depressed. That’s my way of “talking to someone” and I always feel 1000x better afterwards.

    So anyways, I’m rambling now. But I just wanted to say thanks for the words you wrote.

    I hope things work out for you. I’m still waiting.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. You’re preaching to the choir and even though life gives you lemons or takes your life in a drastic turn I myself fall victim to the feeling of being “stuck”. Still thanks for writing this. Been waiting for your post for awhile. It’s been helpful and hope for whatever is going on with your life, it will turn out for the good. Remember, you’re not in this alone.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I believe the same – that when something happens that you regret, or can’t control – what you can control is how you react – and what you create from it. I don’t think I would be the parent I am today had I not learned very well what did NOT work for ME as a child. That’s the only thing I can change. I can use my experiences to better my children’s lives.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. i actually was just grieving over the huge mistakes I still made parenting my oldest : (
        but what cattle capers down there said is helping me recenter.

        Like

  6. Our Pastor was speaking about forgiving others this past weekend, forgiving our fathers for not being perfect. But he also reminded us not to be hard on ourselves. Accept your imperfections, learn from them and move on. You cannot walk forward in a straight line staring behind you. Not easy. I have to learn to let go of being a perfectionist; I’m still in the process of forgetting the stupid things I’ve done in the past. At least you’re learning this lesson early in life. You’ll have many happy years ahead of you if you laugh at your mistakes and focus on the future. I’m much older and only the past five years or so finally getting this through my thick skull, that I’ve been harder on myself than others. I ask myself, “How would I treat me if I wasn’t me, if I was someone else giving me advice?” I wouldn’t be so critical of myself, for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. We can’t change the past but hopefully we learn from it. Your post today reminded me of mine in that regard. Like you I haven’t written much lately. I do believe writing and re-writing helps to clear my mind or perhaps just gets me thinking better even if I am the only one reading it. Despite my age I offer no words of wisdom. The feelings today will repeat along with other perhaps better feelings or thoughts. It sounds to me like you have a clear unstanding. My only suggestion is to keep muddling through. We all do. It works in the long run.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This is why running helped me.. I learnt to keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when it was really hard. I’ve tried to take that strength into the rest of my life. Sounds like you’re doing a fantastic job, just keep pushing through. Xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Thanks for posting this – it’s just what I needed to hear right now. I’m in a rut and it’s largely down to changes I can’t control and don’t understand. I’ve been so tied up in how things were and what could have been, and it’s led to huge stress and zero useful insight. What if I put that energy into making the most of now? Moving on is hard but it has to be better than the alternative.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. im so so happy this is what you needed to hear. Whatever it is youre going through wont last forever, try putting your energy in something that is going to make you better in the future. i promise youll thank yourself for it!

      Like

  10. Beautifully raw post. Thank you for sharing. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “well, everything happens for a reason, so it will all work out” (relating to my health). I can get so frustrated when people say this because yes, some things happen for a reason, but sometimes things just happen and you just need to deal with them and move on.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. yes! Many things do happen and were stronger for it, but it doesn’t mean that what ever it is had to happen. We can take it and dwell on it or let it go and try moving on, one being much more rewarding in the long run.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Thanks. I needed that.
    I once said out loud “please God how much more can I handle?”
    And someone stopped me in mid sentence and said you need to reword that because God isn’t trying to break you, he’s trying to make you stronger. (Or something like that)
    I stopped asking God how much more and now I pray for a break. I can’t be broken to many depend on me. So I keep going.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. WOW, your post was so real and very inspirational! I loved every word of it. I do tend to believe that everything happens for a reason and things will go through in life shapes us. We all have choices in how we handle the challenges we are given and sometimes we will make the right choice and other times we will make the wrong choice, but either decision makes us who we are. All we go through in life, even if we do not see it, is making us stronger. This was a fantastic post and I thank you for sharing it!!!!

    Like

  13. Thank you Defining Yellow for sharing your struggles with us.
    Personally, I have been mentally strained as well, but as you said in the article: keep going.
    Keeping on the right track has helped me a lot.
    Anyway, I was wondering if I can guest post on your blog.
    How about it?
    Sincerely,
    Geary Erua
    P.S: Hope you’re having an amazing day!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. nothing wrong with this style. It is exploratory and it usually develops into something. I like toward end where the 2nd person viewpoint feels the strongest. You did that part very well.

    Like

  15. This is so relatable to those of us who struggle with being over critical of ourselves. I always over analyze why bad things happen to me when I should be moving on and healing instead. The best and most simple advice someone ever gave me was “control what you can control.”

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I really loved it! The article is filled with positivity and a lot of good advice. You have put some beautiful points there like reacting to the things, everything happens for good and sometimes life hit us with something unexpected… Amazing work! Great Article! Have a nice day.
    … And I would like to say something here, that reaction is the reason for our disappointment. The situation doesn’t have a power to disappoint us but our reaction has. This is a vast topic and a good thing about it is I have already written about; you can have a look here: https://helpingisforever.com/2018/06/02/how-peace-can-be-achieved/

    Like

  17. This is too close to home. My favourite part:

    “I think that being strong and honest and wanting to help and love others and having empathy makes you a good person and that because of that good things should come back to you. Most of the time that is the case, but it doesn’t always happen that way.”

    This part really hit me though. As children, we’re always told to do onto others how you want to be treated, but what happens when you’re always kind and loving and there’s no one who reciprocates?

    I think your understanding of such situations, and the conclusion that some things are just not in our control is so moving. It’s so simple, but we constantly forget this fact. Thank you for this reminder. And thank you for also reminding me that I should not be so hard in myself. ❤ Good luck.

    Like

    1. I’m so glad to help, I want to add though that when we are good to others and we dont get it reciprocated, don’t let that push you to stop being kind and loving to others, because when it’s not reciprocated it is a reflection of those people who are taking advantage of you and not a reflection of you. Keep being kind and loving always because thats the kind of person you are, and let the people who are taking advantage of that continue to be that kind of person. i hope that makes sense, and i hope that helps. Thank you so much for your kind words ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Preach sister! I have my days when I have felt the exact same. You definitely nailed it and this is something to consider in different aspects. I really needed to read this. You got this! Love it!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Did you know yellow, black, and grey are the only colors dogs can see? Sorry for the random thought, just he yellow thing. Don’t fight through it, vent through it, cry through it, seek help through it, and most importantly blog through it. It seems like that helps you. Best wishes,
    L.A.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I’ve been in a 10 year slump. This is encouraging that maybe some good is there if I look a bit harder and take notice.
    I too haven’t paid much attention to my blog, these past few days I have been and you were the first to give a like. There’s some good 😊 thank you 🙏🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  21. It‘s worth to read several times and it is motivating thank you. Yes indeed we have to accept things and stop searching for a „why“ which can lead us in a mental disease. Often we will also not be able to make everything fine again, because personal changes can not be done „undo“. The most important thing is really to look at your present and chose a way to future which will make things better… but this itself is already a big task, because it always includes again things what you can not influence… so maybe the only good addition is try to stay positiv to get positive vibes back and pray….

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Hi! Thought for a while this was crappy. But when u became so relatable, there u grabbed me☺️ your writing is so fluid. It’s like u are kind to urself☺️ n that’s good to know.

    Id like to invite u to mt blog. Maybe there are answers for u there about why bad stuffs still happen? Great day!

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Very well put, and so true. Sometimes there is no seeming logic or fairness to life. And bad things happen to good people. As you say accepting and moving through is the only useful response. I’m in such a situation myself right now, and it is indeed very challenging💕

    Liked by 1 person

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