It’s not always physical

Sometimes we think that just because someone isn’t physically touching us that it’s wrong to say they are abusing us. So many times we are being abused emotionally and we don’t even notice it because we are gradually sucked into it.
It’s not just by our significant others either, it could be a friend or a sibling or a parent. It could be anyone.

If someone is making you feel like you don’t have a say in your decisions, or are threatening to do something whether it’s physical or not, please recognize it is abuse.

You are so much more important than that person makes you feel.
If you feel like you’re constantly walking on egg shells around certain people because of the way they react, please know that it isn’t supposed to feel like that.
Its hard to walk away from people that are hurting us, because most of the time it’s the people that we care about. We don’t realize that they are hurting us because we have grown so comfortable with how they treat us that we believe it ourselves.

Feeling unsure about how your relationship with a person will be day to day isn’t love.
Being scared of upsetting a person by just being yourself isn’t love.
Feeling like you have to try to constantly please a person by hurting yourself to keep them around isn’t love.
If its a parent, yes you have to be related to them but you don’t have to let yourself be affected by them. You are not your parents, you are you, so you decide who that is.
If it’s a lover, your family/friends usually notice it first so please hear them out. If you aren’t as happy at the end as you were at the beginning, there’s a problem, please don’t ignore it.
If it’s a friend, well your friends are supposed to support you and push you to do better. You choose your friends, choose the ones that make you feel good about yourself. If they stop, then it’s time to consider new friends.

If someone isn’t making it known that they love you or care about you, no matter who it is, know that you can walk away from them before it starts to destroy your self esteem. It’ll hurt, but it’ll feel so much better once you’ve done it. Every single person should be and is worthy of being loved.
It is them that has the problem and it is them that decided to push a great person away. You’ve made it this far, you’re far much stronger than you think you are. I promise the air is much fresher afterwards.

Thanks for reading ☀☀☀

29 thoughts on “It’s not always physical

  1. “If someone is making you feel like you don’t have a say in your decisions, or are threatening to do something whether it’s physical or not, please recognize it is abuse.”

    This was definitely the hardest part for me, I kept making excuses and allowing it to happen. Took me a year to realize what was going on but I’m so thankful I did! Thank you for sharing!

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  2. “Come on I’m 20 years old I shouldn’t be picking mommy and daddy’s side” I am 26 years old and feel the same way! I thought I was the only person who was experiencing this. Thank you for posting this and for the advice. All the best, Amy Belle

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      1. As you advised in your post I have had to distance myself and I’ve got to live my life for me. It is like having two children! You’re welcome- keep on writing! All the best, Amy Belle

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  3. Sometimes longstanding relationships like family, friends, significant others can force you to feel trapped and stuck in a situation you know you shouldn’t be in but you feel like you have to stay. You mastered the first step you separated your self, you’re building a special life for you and a great future. So many times parents make mistakes like this but years down the road they realize the time they lost with their child and the pain of loosing that connection will hurt inside more than anything. You’re doing amazing in life, keep pushing, keep writing, stay you. -Kevin

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  4. I too am finding being very open is helping me. Its good to see that others are the same. Well done. I am in the very early stages of my journey i am petrified at the outcome because there is no light showing me the way at this moment. But reading your blog has given me a glimmer that i am going in the right direction…… Peace and Love

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Im so sorry i thought i responded to this! I know how hard it can be not seeing any light at the end, but whatever it is youre going through, it wont last forever i promise. Im so glad that my blog has helped you in the slightest, im always here if you need to talk. xx

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  5. It is awesome that you’ve understood this at 20 years old. It takes a lot of people many more years before they realize that yes, they are being abused. Especially in family situations where such behavior has been a decades long or even multi-generational dynamic.

    I once heard the expression, “I don’t have to set myself on fire to keep other people warm”. It helped me immensely in recognizing that not only do I have the right to my own boundaries, but also that anyone who believes that I should harm myself for their benefit does not love me. No matter who they are or what they say.

    Keep doing what you’re doing, Kourtney. You never know who you are helping!

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    1. Thank you so much!! I have heard that quote before also, I think it’s relatable in a ton of situations. If people love you they will recognize that you should keep yourself safe before ever putting others first. Thank you again 💛

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  6. Amazing read as always, so spot on with everything that you said! It’s definitely true that so much of the time, we don’t recognize the abuse as abuse because it is done by someone we know. That fight couldn’t have been easy what with being pulled in like that and being forced to make that choice, but I hope you’re okay and like you said to us, it goes right back to you: you’re far much stronger than you think you are.

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  7. This was a wonderful read. So vulnerable yet insightful. I have a similar post on recognizing a narcissist. My mother is one and I have a troubled relationship with her. My sister is an emotional bully as well and I no longer speak to her – it took this long to figure that out though, at 26. You are so fortunate to be this self aware at a young age. I also went through parents fighting (they divorced over 5 years ago) but it can be really emotionally draining and it’s never okay for parents to force you to take sides. I felt like the middle man for years. They are the parents, they forget that sometimes.

    Thank you for posting this – I look forward to reading more from you and I hope you’ll check out some of my posts as well! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Im so sorry I somehow didn’t see this until now, Im so sorry you had to deal with a similar situation. No one deserves to feel like that, especially from someone close to us, but youre so strong for noticing it and no longer speaking to the people that put you in that situation. I hope youre staying strong. xx

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    1. Reading experiences like this, I think, “YES! This is exactly how I felt. I wish I had someone at the time to tell me that I wasn’t alone, and that this wasn’t normal behavior. That’s part of why I started my blog, and I’m so thankful that I found yours. I have a kindred spirit. ❤

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