A letter to..

A letter to my younger self.

I was going to start this whole blogging thing out slow because opening myself up too much terrifies me, but here we go.

Before I start I want to add that this is very personal and hard for me to talk/write about with most people, so keep that in mind as you read.

Dear Kourtney,

You’re young and you already know that you don’t have a childhood like most. By the time you’re in elementary school you’ll have lost your baby brother to drowning in your backyard, seen your parents lay hands on each other, you’ll have been around drugs, and you’ve already moved and been to more schools than can fit on one hand. You know you’ll never have those friends that you can say you’ve known since kindergarten. You’re blaming mom and dad because they can’t keep you in one place longer than a year for the life of them. Please don’t get comfortable with this feeling, life won’t always be this fickle.
In fifth grade when life gets really tough at home, remember it is not your fault. There was no way to expect that. In sixth grade things will get a little bit better. You’ll meet some people that you will be close to forever, hold on to them. Just because you have been torn from so many people in the past does not mean that you should shut yourself out from new people. I promise these ones are worth it. Mom and dad will move from here too though. They’ll say they have to tear you from this school too to wherever you’re moving next, but you’re doing so well in school so they do the extra work to keep you there. Keep doing that. You’ll put more pressure on yourself to do well in school while driving from new places all the time, this will probably be the hardest time of all. But you’ll be okay, I promise you’ll get past this too. 
Forgive mom and dad though, they have made mistakes and they will make more, but they love you, they really do. They have their own problems to work out, but they will always put you and your brother first. Always remember this.
High school will be a rough time, everyone will seem to be having such a perfect life and living the expected high school experience while you’re dealing with the same problems at home that take place of it. Mom and dad will move pretty far away with your great grandparents, and the only way for you to stay at this school is to live with your best friend for a year, make sure you let her know you appreciate her. You guys will realize that spending so much time together is not great for your friendship. Shes doing this because she loves you and you’re best friends, not because she wants to. Remember this.
You’ll fall in what may or may not be love with a guy, and after some time he’ll break your heart. This will be a feeling extremely unfamiliar at the time. When you’re sad and don’t want to eat or leave bed, try to. Let your friends be there for you. When you look back on this you’ll know that it was his loss and you should have spent that summer with friends instead of in tears.

You’ll get a job and do really well there for some years, you’ll finally feel like you have some real responsibilities and you’ll grow as a person. You’ll meet some pretty awesome people there too. After some time you’ll get tired of it but you’ll be too comfortable to leave. The same thing happens when you get into your next relationship, you’ll have fun for a while but Kourtney please pay attention to the red flags. He’ll lead you to break your own heart. Don’t let being comfortable be your excuse for letting him hurt you because you deserve so much more than you’ll think you do. This is the last time you’ll let someone take advantage of your heart.
You’ll move away from your parents to be closer to school and work. You realize how much your family has always depended on you. You’ve always been the peacekeeper of the family, as your great grandmother will tell you. Use that to your advantage, but don’t let it take a toll on you. It’ll help you and them in the long run.
You’ll become close with someone that will change how you look at things, they’ll make you realize that you’re better than you thought you were and they’ll be very important to you. Please keep this person close to you, you’ll need them in your life forever.
Lastly, I’m telling you this because I know for certain, you’re meant to help people and you’re meant to do it in a big way. You’ll figure it out, I can’t tell you how because i’m not sure yet. Maybe that’s why you started this blog, but I know you’ll do it.

Your 20 year old self.

27 thoughts on “A letter to..

  1. I’ve never read a post that tugged at my heartstrings so much. You’re a beautiful writer; I felt like I was right there watching everything you were talking about. I’m sorry that you’ve gone through so much, but one thing is for certain. You’re so brave and strong, I admire that a lot. You’re surely right about one thing. You’re meant to help people. This post is inspiring. Your comment on my post was inspiring and I’m sure you inspire your followers and people in your life on a daily basis. Keep writing and rocking. 🙂 Thanks for sharing this!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This was such an emotional piece and I am glad that you came across my blog and told me about it. I am sorry for your loss and the troubles you experienced. You are incredibly strong, not only for sharing your past, but for being such a confident, open person, who can put your experiences, into helping others. This really comes across in the writing. Thank you for sharing! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was amazing to read along too, incredibly inspiring as well. I can’t help but agree with what the person above me commented, I wish I had been as put together and wise as you are at twenty, two years ago. Can’t wait for you to figure out what that big way of helping others is! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, I wish I had things as figured out 12 years ago as you are seeming to get them figured out now.

    Love and peace to you my dear. And may your journey be a beautiful one.

    Your soul is bright!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hello dear! You have written a beautiful letter to yourself. I hope by now you are in the journey of discovering the beauty in life despite your past, present and whatever happens in the future. Please know that you are never alone in your journey. Some people walked out in our lives but I hoped that you know that they were not meant to stay but the reason of why they came taught you something. People come and go, its a cycle of life. We may not be able to hold them but we keep their memories and move forward to meet others. Keep writing! You are an inspiration. Lots of love.xx

    Liked by 1 person

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